We were just friends!

THE WALK

In the cold breezy night, we were walking past the restaurants where the dim lights and the dulcet music made the ambience. The temperature was about to show nought on the thermometer. She was rubbing the palms of her hand with each other to raise her body temperature. I wanted to take my warm hands out of the pocket and grasp hers. But I applied the brakes on those feelings because we were just friends!

It was for the first time when I went out with her. Hesitation kept me away from meeting her. All of us hesitate! Once we have a crush on someone, we always hesitate to talk to them. I had no courage to ask her out until a day before she sent me a message on Whatsapp, asking to choose a number between 1 to 50. I chose 10 and she sent me the labels with those numbers. Number 10 was labelled with ‘Ask me for anything!’ Taking advantage of the situation, I asked her out for dinner and being friends, she couldn’t deny. That gave me a favour to spend some more time with her until I dropped her off at home.

Weather had started being cooler and the cold breeze started turning into a more aggressive version of itself. On the sound of her chatter, I rolled my eyes towards her and found her shivering badly; indeed having thick layers of clothes covered around her body.

It was getting tougher for me as well to survive in that temperature. But, I couldn’t see her suffer.

“I guess you need this,” I said, unzipping my jacket and then taking it off like the male protagonist from the Indian cinemas.

“No,” she said, trembling. “It’s too cold… you should… put it back.” she chattered.

Ignoring the formality, I put the jacket on her shoulders.

“Wear it, I can bear the cold.” I lied.

She looked at me as if she knew I lied. I just smiled at her look and she wore the jacket properly. That was a promising moment for me; I promised myself that I would never remove away that jacket from my closet. She put her hands in the pocket of the jacket and the smile on my face couldn’t vanish.

“How much time will it take us to reach your home now?” I asked.

“It will take 10 more minutes if we walk with the same pace.” she said. “But I won’t mind if you leave.”

That would have been the stupidest decision of mine. I wished those ten minutes could be multiplied by a zillion because I was not sure if that outing was going to give me any more of them! And as I said, when we have a crush on someone, we always hesitate to talk to them. This hesitation might have portrayed me as a nerd. Who likes nerd? And who wants to go out with the same?

A few moments later, I started shivering even though I’d tried not to.

We saw some boys and girls warming themselves in the coal of fire.

“Can we join them for a few minutes?” I asked, trembling with cold.

Warmth was the secondary thing I needed, primary was to spend some more time with her.

“Of course, we can!” she said, propelling me towards the relief of the moment.

We stood facing the fire. The bones that had started crushing in me were forming back. The blood in my body which was almost frozen, started melting once again.

I wanted to sit there with the girl next to me and talk to her till the dawn. I looked up at her. Her apple red cheeks were attracting me towards her, but I distracted myself from such thoughts. We were just friends!

“Should we sustain the walk?” she asked.

“No!” I wanted to say, but I just nodded and we left the warm place.

A few minutes later, some street dogs started barking at us. I wondered if the dogs were angry to see me with the super gorgeous girl. The super gorgeous girl started panicking to see those furious dogs. The dogs were slowly stepping towards us with a roar and the gorgeous girl was stepping towards me with the same pace. The male protagonist within me had started dying to see those irated dogs. With every second, their barks were getting louder. The distance between the dogs and us was getting shorter; so was the distance between me and her. The loudest bark of the dog surprisingly favoured me as it made the gorgeous girl hold my arms, tight. The dogs, whom I was wondering to be the evil turned out to be my pals.

But not hers…

I bent down to pick up the stone and before I got up, those new pals of mine ran away.

“Thank God!” she sighed a big relief. “I am very scared of dogs.”

I couldn’t respond because the inner me was sensing a remarkable moment; the moment when she was holding my arms. I wanted to pull her closer to me. But I couldn’t. We were just friends!

She retracted her hands in embarrassment to hold them for so long. We started walking silently.

“Actually, I am even scared of dogs,” I said to break the silence.

She didn’t say anything.

I didn’t have much to speak.

Hopelessly, we were standing outside her home and it was time for me to take a leave off her.

“Thanks for the jacket.” she said, taking it off.

I took it back and put it on myself. It was delightful to realise that the jacket I was wearing was also worn by her.

She stood there;

I stood there with folded arms.

She had to go;

But I didn’t want her to.

I just wanted to look into those beautiful eyes forever.

“Bye!” she said, approaching me for a hug. “I had a good time with you.”

The cold body of mine got the warmth. The fire I was standing in front of, a few minutes ago, was nothing in front of that warm hug. The fog in the air looked more like smoke to me. Those couple of seconds made me lost somewhere in the other world.

“Bye!” I whispered.

And she left.

I tried to keep my eyes on her till the last second I could. When she disappeared from my sight, I envisioned her stepping inside her home and then, climbing up the stairs towards her room. When the lights of her room got turned on, I wanted to wonder even further but I left the place because we were just friends.

Till the time I got in the cosy bed of my room, she was the one who had occupied my mind. Lying on the bed, I closed my eyes to replay the time that I spent with her! What I could think of, was her smile on my silly jokes that I always wanted to see on her face, her straight long hair that I wanted to stroke, her cute cheeks that I wanted to caress, her dark brown eyes that I wanted to look at and her soft hands that I wanted to hold forever. These wants of mine has been remained as a desire which can never be fulfilled.

Inside those closed eyes, was an ocean of emotion called tears. They were trying to flow out of my eyes and I was trying hard to hold them because tears are the most weakening emotion in a living being as its appearance can make a person lose hope in himself. Also, the fact is that they can’t be held for long! My face shrinked and being a human, I couldn’t even hold those tears any longer. I stuffed my mouth with the corner of the pillow to unmute the sound of my cry and I cried out all the emotions that I’d been holding since last hour when she refused my proposal.

THE PROPOSE

When we stepped out of the restaurant after having dinner. I wanted to propose to her but neither I’d any flowers of devotion nor did I have any ring. I was just left with the heart that was jumping out of my chest to be hers. I wanted to do it wholeheartedly.

“Actually, I… I want to say something to you…” I stammered as we started walking.

The prettiest eyes on earth looked at me. I was confused about how to proceed. Proposing someone is the most risky step as it can either bring people closer or separate them forever. I had no other options because my life with her, as a friend, was already incomplete. I made up my mind to propose to her.

“Actually, I love you.” I made the riskiest moment of my life happen by finally uttering those three golden words of love. I waited for her to convert them into four.

Surprisingly, she just had a smile on her face.

“Did you hear?” I confirmed.

“I did! I already had a clue about that,” she said without even looking at me.

I stopped there and looked at her in chaos.

“It can easily be seen on your face! The way you asked me for dinner, the way you are behaving since we are out,” she stopped as well, turning towards me.

I nodded confusingly and we continued walking.

“So?” I asked because she hadn’t responded to the proposal.

She took a long pause to respond, but she finally did.

“You are not the only one who proposed to me. A lot of guys had already done… ”

“I know that!” I interrupted her in between. That was such an evident thing. Who would miss the chance to propose to her?

Once again she took a pause.

“Would you like to know the reason for why I am single?” she asked and waited for my response to her query.

“Is it a No?” I didn’t want her to digress because I was already jittered.

“Will you please let me speak?” she exhorted.

“Please don’t say anything if it’s a no.” I retorted, I couldn’t hear the No with so many excuses. People should learn to speak without digressing.

She didn’t speak anything.

It was a No!

Tears filled my eyes. I slowed down my motion to make a distance from her. Quickly, I wiped my eyes and then levelled my steps with her. I didn’t want to cry and spoil the precious time with her; indeed, I wanted to make every second count and enjoy the last few happy moments of my life.

We continued walking.

And THE WALK was worthy. Wasn’t it?

THE CONFESSION

When my eyes were drained, I cleared out the choked throat within me and blamed myself for not asking her the grounds for refusing to my proposal. I took the jacket in my hands which she wore and hurled it on the floor in frustration. Then I got up from the bed and went to the washroom to wash my face. As I switched the lights on, I saw myself in the mirror. The red eyes of mine horrified me. I splashed the water on my face and wiped it with the towel.

“She is so beautiful!” I thought while watching the photos in her profile. “I wish she could have been mine.”

Tears came to my eyes once again. I felt revolting.

I started texting her,

“Why? Why the fuck did you do this to me? What made you refuse to my proposal? I bet you, you’ll never get the love from anyone that you were about to get from me.”

Before tapping on the send button, I used another key called backspace.

The single word now left was, ‘Why?’

I hit the send button.

Immediately, there was a blue tick on the message that I sent. And below her name it showed typing…

I didn’t like the way you interrupted me every time I spoke. Will you let me speak?

Five minutes later, when I didn’t reply to her query, she gave up on me and started typing…

I would like to make it sound very clear! You are not the first one proposing me. I have been proposed by a lot of guys. How could I accept any proposal when I already love someone else?

This message from her struck deep in my heart.

I wanted to ask her about the one whom she loved.

“Who is the lucky one?” I typed.

Before I hit the send button, a new message arrived.

Let me finish first and then type what you want to.

I erased what I typed.

Then came another message from her.

Now that you know the reason why I am still single, you’ll be dejected to know that I was about to confess my love to the person I love but life went beyond expectations. One day, I had the medical reports in my hand which stated that I suffered from brain tumour. Who wants what at that stage of life when they know that death is a few months away from them?

Tears still didn’t stop flowing out from my eyes, just the reason had changed.

Doctors stated that I needed to get it operated as soon as possible, otherwise the risk of my life would be increased day by day. I cried because I had so many things to do in my life. Also, I had not even confessed my love to the person I loved. The fear of not returning back from the operation theatre filled my mind.

I bent down and took the jacket back in my hands. Then I kissed it and kept it on my lap.

Before entering the operation theatre, I wanted to confess my love to the person I loved. But love is a beautiful emotion. Prior to ourselves, it makes us think about the one we love. I feared how would he feel if I confessed my love to him and never returned back from the operation theatre. He might be depressed for the rest of his life. I didn’t want him to waste his life. And that’s when I decided that I shouldn’t let him know how much I loved him. I wanted to live for him and for my family. I promised myself to confess my love to him if I returned back from the OT.

I was shaken and I’d started regretting for proposing to her. She loves someone so immensely and I tried to come in between them.

My parents signed the consent form which clearly stated that the life of the patient will be risked during this operation. With everyone’s eyes filled with tears, I entered the operation theatre. Can you even think of my feelings at that time? Though I didn’t want to lose hope but I was prepared to leave this world with so many feelings in my heart. But thanks to the doctors who came out of the OT after 5 hours with a happy news of my new life.

I sighed a big relief. With that message, she put a new life in me too. It was then, when I realised that she was about to reveal all this to me at the time, I proposed to her. I regretted for not letting her speak. Now, I had a great reason to be happy. I had her walking by my side. She is alive! What can be better than that? I promised myself to stay happy with her, being friends. We were just friends and we can always be so. I prayed for her to be happy with the one she loves.

A new message popped up!

Now, I would like to tell you that I know you are a gentleman. I know you are sweet, caring and loving. I also know that you will always be the same. And you will be glad to know that you were the reason I wanted to live for. You are the person whom I love and it’s you with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

At that moment, surprise and shock hit me at the same time. She loved me and I could never think of it. I was living in the real world where everything was being like a dream. I called her up to hear her voice. She received the call; sniffing and crying. I felt bad for her, though I had tears of joy in my eyes. It felt amazing to realise that she loves me. I didn’t know what to say because she didn’t need my words. She needed me!

Finally, she spoke,“That day when I sent you the message to choose any number between 1 to 50. You chose 10. I swapped the label of Number 10 with “Ask me for anything!” I wanted to see what you ask me for. When you asked me out for dinner, I made up my mind to confess my love to you after the dinner but while I gathered the courage to do so, you proposed to me. I already had an idea that you loved me because it clearly reflects on your face. It’s just that I didn’t know that you’ll propose to me. I was surprised when you did it. Before replying to your proposal, I wanted to tell you about everything that had happened but you didn’t let me speak.”

“You must have not cried so much, had you let me speak at that time,” she said and laughed.

“I have not spoken a word. How do you know that I have been crying?”

“Because, I love you too!” she finally turned those three golden words into four.

EPILOGUE

The next day, we had our dinner at the same restaurant. When we stepped out of it, we started walking towards her home. I held her hand and filled the gaps between her fingers with mine. Her hand was soft like that of a little baby. We saw a few people sitting around the coal of fire. She asked me to join them. We sat there and enjoyed the place. She snuggled up to me and that was the first time we kissed each other.

We left that warm place and continued walking with my hands on her shoulders. I pulled her closer to me and she blushed.

Finally we reached her home and she invited me inside. How could I say No?

After all, her friend was turned into the beau now!